WE DON’T LIKE TO SEE IT (EXCEPT WE DO)
Mauricio Pochettino has been here before. Five years ago, almost to the day, his Tottenham side went to Stamford Bridge searching for the win that would keep them alive in the race for their first title since 1961. They ended up shipping a two-goal lead, then whipping up one of those comic-book dust clouds covered with words like OOF and WHACK and BAM and OOYAFUCINBASA and with fists and boots sticking out of it. If The Fiver’s memory serves, the cloud, and all those contained within, was last seen sailing gracefully down the players’ tunnel, leaving several loose ends trailing ambiguously in its wake, like the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, or, as everyone’s contractually obliged to reference these days, that last episode of Line of Duty.
So it was no great surprise to see history repeat itself in Tuesday’s Big Cup semi. Poch had been hoping any retread would manifest itself in a storming three-goal second-half comeback, which is what his Spurs team memorably pulled off in Amsterdam a couple of years ago, and what PSG needed this time. But instead it was another thundering loss of collective noggin, as his new charges, notoriously combustible at the best of times, reacted to falling 4-1 behind on aggregate to Manchester City like a bloke in a bar who had been muttering to himself between sips of barley wine all night and had suddenly got it into his head that the landlord was looking at him in a funny way.
PSG claim referee swore at them during defeat at Manchester CityRead more
Fernandinho lit the fuse by goading Ángel Di María into lashing out. Once the winger was sent packing, all bets were off. Marco Verratti sent Phil Foden crashing to the floor; Leandro Paredes then kicked the ball at Foden’s head, perhaps incensed that the young man had been giving him the runaround when upright. Presnel Kimpembe and Danilo performed surgical scythes on Gabriel Jesus. Neymar had a face on. Perhaps angriest of all was Ander Herrera, who having spent the entire first half racing around looking for trouble in his trademark Scrappy-Doo style, fumed theatrically as he was substituted on 62 minutes, knowing full well what was coming, and that he’d miss the opportunity to throw hands in the midst of a free-for-all.
The only thing that stopped the entire match from descending into the sort of donnybrook that would have made the 1970 FA Cup final replay look like cucumber sandwiches with vicar was City’s general bemusement at the way PSG were carrying on. Their work all but complete, City kept their supercool, with the exception of one emotional Oleksandr Zinchenko outburst, the full-back subsequently receiving the what-for from Fernandinho, concerned his already-booked teammate was about to rant himself suspended. PSG, however, went raging into the dark night. Neymar and Paredes accused referee Björn Kuipers of telling them to eff off during the match, while Poch wondered whether this was something Uefa might look into. Given Kuipers did them a favour by diplomatically keeping his red card in his pocket during the last knockings, when he could, arguably should, have also legitimately sent off Verratti, Paredes, Kimpembe and Danilo, you’d think they’d let this particular sleeping dog lie. But this is a team who should probably have ended a Big Cup semi-final with six men. How did you think they were going to respond?
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE!
Join Scott Murray from 8pm BST for hot Big Cup MBM coverage of Chelsea 1-3 Real Madrid PSG (agg: 2-4), while Barry Glendenning will be on hand at 5.30pm for Tottenham 0-4 Chelsea in the WSL.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He offended my honour and moral integrity during his interview” – in a new one, even for the Fun and Games in South America Dept, Brazilian ref Joelson Nazareno explains that he sent off Águia de Marabá forward Romarinho after their match for criticising his performance on TV.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
The new Lord Ferg film trailer, even if its title sounds a bit Jack Reacher.
2:31Sir Alex Ferguson: Never Give In, trailer for documentary on legendary manager – video
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Here’s the latest Football Weekly podcast.
FIVER LETTERS
“In your photo of José Mourinho looking like he’s packing for Roma (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), I couldn’t help but notice that he’s packed his box upside down. Given that it’s branded ‘Sustain’, do you think he’s trying to tell us something? Maybe it’s an absurdist prop, and he’s using it to pass on the Camusian message that he’s finally been overwhelmed by ennui and can’t participate in this charade much longer? Or maybe he packed it upside down in a rush. Either works. But we both know which one it really is” – Nick Kinsella.
“If he can get that box to fit in the boot, he really is The Special One” – Bryan Paisley.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Nick Kinsella.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Jens Lehmann has been sacked from Hertha Berlin’s supervisory board after referring to TV pundit Dennis Aogo as “a token black guy” in a WhatsApp message.
Tributes have been paid to Alan McLoughlin, the former Portsmouth midfielder whose goal took the Republic of Ireland to World Cup 94, who has died aged 54.
View image in fullscreenRIP Macca. Photograph: Billy Stickland/Inpho/Rex/Shutterstock
Fabio Capello, the last coach to win any silverware with Roma, has joined the lengthy queue to underline how tough a gig José Mourinho faces. “Rome burns everyone,” he roared. “The key to everything is having a solid staff and creating a group of players who are behind the coach.” Ah.
It appears that Tommy T believes Chelsea will set up a Big Cup final with City if he says the magic word three times. “This club is about winning. This game is about winning, this competition is about winning!” he tooted before their Real Madrid semi-final second leg.
The Pope’s Newc O’Rangers have signed Fashion Sakala on a four-year deal from KV Oostende . “It’s a dream come true!” whooped the stylish striker.
And Bournemouth keeper Mark Travers scored a stoppage-time equaliser, before saving a penalty against Eastleigh to help win the Hampshire Senior Cup. “I made that near-post run and thankfully the ball landed on my head and hit the target,” trilled the big man.
View image in fullscreenThe big man! Photograph: Robin Jones/AFC Bournemouth/Getty Images
STILL WANT MORE?
Mourinho at Roma: some Italian hacks think it’s a “special coup” but Nicky Bandini reckons it’s more of a gamble on nostalgia.
Elegant, merciless and getting better:
The Fiver Riyad Mahrez is an underrated genius, whoops Barney Ronay. Meanwhile, floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson reckons City’s magisterial win was a triumph of composure and philosophy.
View image in fullscreenOnwards. Photograph: Matt McNulty/Manchester City FC/Getty Images
Nicoline Sørensen gets her chat on with Louise Taylor about the challenge of trying to propel Everton into Europe at the same time as swotting for her innovation engineering studies.
Cagliari’s Giovanni Simeone, son of Diego, gets his own chat on with Sid Lowe.
Rir Sobby at Ipswich.
Which manager has the most tats? The Knowledge keeps the spirit of CP Scott alive with more essential journalism.
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